Recently on a podcast I listened to, there was discussion around why so many senators in their late 70s and 80s do not quit or step down. As one senator put it, "So you just want me to go home and die?"
There's an existential fear about stopping that which defines our identities.
Great. I hope you will feel free to repost your own article. No one reads in the archives (or very few people do) so all your new subscribers will be able to enjoy it.
Ann - this is lovely! When I was 57, I noticed I was saying to myself “All my firsts are behind me,” and I realized that I wanted to speak to myself differently about getting older. So I changed my self-talk to “I have no idea what’s ahead; I want to stay open and curious.”
Since then, I met and married the love of my life; our children (2 biologically mine and 1 his) have married and are building families - we’re about to have our 7th grandchild. I’ve written and published four more books; we’ve grown our business by 100%, and now I’ve passed it on to my partners. My husband and I have moved to the north of Spain…..
Ann - I love both of these articles! Thank you so much for sharing them with me.
Have you ever thought about making a kindle/e-book version of your book? I’d love to buy it, but my husband and I are both trying to reduce our acquisition of objects to the minimum…and I read a lot of books! (We’d be drowning in books if not for the advent of kindle.)
love your thoughts. you're an inspiration, Ms. Richardson. I am 64, and i want to live, live, live (healthily)! And work, work, work. I love my work. I love my life. I am definitely more in touch with the frailty of life, how quickly it goes, how much beauty there is to treasure, every single day. I love yoga btw and regularly practice but can't frickin' stand on my head tho'! Was always afraid of it!
Some people love headstands and some people hate them, evidently. I just happen to be one of the former. I hate forward bends because I always end up with pain in my sacrum. Thanks for your enthusiasm.
I am 21 years old, and it may sound silly, but the people around me sometimes make me feel like I am running out of time to do stuff with my life. I don't wanna feel like I am running out of time because there's so much pressure to live our youth as if life ends after it. I loved reading this because it was so refreshing to read such a different perspective!
Oh dear, oh dear. First, never apologise that something sounds silly - there is no such thing as a stupid question.
Second, life is not infinite, but at 21 you have loads of time to explore and discover the world and yourself. And you should do that in your own good time. Running around like the world was coming to an end won’t do you much good at all. Nobody old would sensibly want to be young again (read: https://arichardson.substack.com/p/18-or-82-which-would-you-choose) is but it is a time for getting to know about life. There is SO much life beyond, each period different in its own way. I don’t think people your age should be worrying at all about old age, never mind even being 40 (which is very young to me), but tuck it away in the back of your mind that as long as you have interests and curiosity (and good health), you can have a full life. Perhaps you would like this, about my father: https://arichardson.substack.com/p/when-do-people-stop-having-sex
Have a lovely life and, for best results, don’t worry too much. (Worrying a little bit is sensible.)
you're right! I think worrying too much kills the joy. Thank you so much for these words. I wish you the best. I will be reading your substack regularly :)
I couldn’t agree more. I’ve done more significant, personal growth things in the 16 years since I turned 60 than at any other time in my life. I earned an MBA, I started a travel blog, I bought a house I moved I left “real” employment. I brag a working with a podcast group, writing on Medium and Substack. Four grandchildren later it’s been a time of blessing and yes optimism for the future. Whew.
I'm only 20 at the time of reading this but I try so, so hard to live with this all in mind. I have so much life I can hardly wrap my mind around it. I am so free to do so many things, yet I struggle to remember that. I am excited to age, but that fear never fully goes away, this has aided it some, though. Thank you :)
Hey, Loretta, at 20, you have far more interesting things to think about than old age. You probably think 30 is a big milestone. Enjoy your life, enjoy your youth, it's a time for exploration and discovery. There's so much out there still to learn and so much inside you, too. But tuck it into the back of your mind that there are a lot of good things about growing older – and don't let anyone try to convince you otherwise. Each decade has its own joys and I wouldn't wish you to be in your 80s now. But most of all, don't worry about it. You will find your own insights in your own time.
Thank you, Prajna, for your lovely comment. Sounds like we are of like mind, including the headstands. I have just written a post partially about what headstands mean to me at my age for Advantages of Age, coming out soon.
I remember when 30 was considered "over the hill." I hope we have learned that there is more than one hill. There are a multitude of hills that we can continue to explore over all our years if we choose. Your beautiful post and so many of the comments written here validate that. 💕
Thanks, Cathy, for your regular support. And yes, there are loads of hills. My 100-year-old friend (with a complete set of marbles) says you're not old until you're 90!
In my 70's , I lurch from one thing to another with the occasional celebration when I complete something.I don't have any clear view of direction. Self publishing a book ( Other Words are Available) felt like I had climbed a mountain. Such a relief, but it still feels like a disorganised race.
What I'm enjoying at the age of 70 is freedom to choose my future, day by day. I'm not tethered to a work schedule or a child's schedule. I get to carve out how I spend my days. I choose when I sleep, eat, and exercise. I can choose volunteer work, since the need to earn a living and add to my retirement is no longer a primary focus. The future, at this age, has more options. I like it. I like it a lot.
I started taking violin lessons 10 years ago at age 60 and I am having so much fun with it. My violin teacher is great and has become a dear friend. Playing the violin was on my bucket list and when I found my teacher, I bought a student violin and have since graduated to a great 3/4 size violin as I am small.There is a sense of accomplishment here even if I just fiddle around a bit.
That is terrific! What an excellent way to spend your time. I sing in a choir, but have done for years - although I have just moved from alto to tenor, which takes a lot of new learning and remembering to look at the third line down. I am thinking of writing about it some time soon.
Funny, I just said this week, "What is there to look forward to?" I had come down to the seashore, where the scent and the ocean breezes reminded me poignantly of moments of dreaming in my youth. College was in my future. That one romantic relationship that would become marriage. My career. Later it was children (6) and helping them graduate. But they've all moved away and I've retired. I'm writing but I can hardly imagine I'll ever be published. Well, I think my gloomy outlook is colored by the recent death of my father in law, for whom I provided hospice care in his final week. I'm sure I'll recover my sense of delight in the world, but I do feel like the Big events are all behind me.
The truth is, Ruth, you just don't know what is in front of you. I would much rather be old, as you can see here: https://arichardson.substack.com/p/18-or-82-which-would-you-choose. With six children, you must have some grandchildren either now or to-be who will give you a new lease of life. Mine were a total revelation. But I can understand how looking after your father-in-law might have made you feel low. Give it time.
Thanks for this. My two grandchildren live in far off states. I still haven't got the whole 'be a grandmother by video' thing. Wish I lived nearby and could drop in. But I live in the country and get to take long bike rides and spend hours writing, so I have a lot to be thankful for.
My bad, as the young say nowadays. I forget that having grandchildren is not the same as having grandchildren living nearby. I was lucky in that my two children settled in London (where I live), so my grandchildren were relatively easy on hand.
Recently on a podcast I listened to, there was discussion around why so many senators in their late 70s and 80s do not quit or step down. As one senator put it, "So you just want me to go home and die?"
There's an existential fear about stopping that which defines our identities.
They should read my Substack! Sure, they should step down – I couldn’t manage their daily routines – but so much life left, so much fun, so much joy.
Thanks, Ann - we are all blessed by your writing and so glad you embarked on this in the last two decades!
Oh, what a lovely thing to say!
I enjoyed the read. At 65 I have thought about many of the thoughts that you raised
Great. I hope you will feel free to repost your own article. No one reads in the archives (or very few people do) so all your new subscribers will be able to enjoy it.
Ann - this is lovely! When I was 57, I noticed I was saying to myself “All my firsts are behind me,” and I realized that I wanted to speak to myself differently about getting older. So I changed my self-talk to “I have no idea what’s ahead; I want to stay open and curious.”
Since then, I met and married the love of my life; our children (2 biologically mine and 1 his) have married and are building families - we’re about to have our 7th grandchild. I’ve written and published four more books; we’ve grown our business by 100%, and now I’ve passed it on to my partners. My husband and I have moved to the north of Spain…..
So many wonderful firsts!! 😊
Wow, that IS a lot of firsts! Excellent proof of the proposition that life doesn’t stop at any particular age. It’s not one of my most serious, but you might like https://arichardson.substack.com/p/ladies-of-83-and-potential which is just a fun story and https://arichardson.substack.com/p/when-do-people-stop-having-sex which for some unknown reason is one of my most read!
Ann - I love both of these articles! Thank you so much for sharing them with me.
Have you ever thought about making a kindle/e-book version of your book? I’d love to buy it, but my husband and I are both trying to reduce our acquisition of objects to the minimum…and I read a lot of books! (We’d be drowning in books if not for the advent of kindle.)
All my books are on Kindle. See https://www.amazon.co.uk/Granny-Who-Stands-Her-Head-ebook/dp/B09L1J6H8F. Incidentally, the article about my father is in that book, but I hardly ever repost book articles on my Substack, so it is all new.
Wonderful!!! When I went to Amazon.es, it was only “tapa blanda.” I’ll order it now -
It should be available from Amazon.es as an ebook. If it really isn’t, I would want to ask Amazon why not.
Indeed! But I’ve got it now, and am looking forward to reading it -
love your thoughts. you're an inspiration, Ms. Richardson. I am 64, and i want to live, live, live (healthily)! And work, work, work. I love my work. I love my life. I am definitely more in touch with the frailty of life, how quickly it goes, how much beauty there is to treasure, every single day. I love yoga btw and regularly practice but can't frickin' stand on my head tho'! Was always afraid of it!
Some people love headstands and some people hate them, evidently. I just happen to be one of the former. I hate forward bends because I always end up with pain in my sacrum. Thanks for your enthusiasm.
I am 21 years old, and it may sound silly, but the people around me sometimes make me feel like I am running out of time to do stuff with my life. I don't wanna feel like I am running out of time because there's so much pressure to live our youth as if life ends after it. I loved reading this because it was so refreshing to read such a different perspective!
Oh dear, oh dear. First, never apologise that something sounds silly - there is no such thing as a stupid question.
Second, life is not infinite, but at 21 you have loads of time to explore and discover the world and yourself. And you should do that in your own good time. Running around like the world was coming to an end won’t do you much good at all. Nobody old would sensibly want to be young again (read: https://arichardson.substack.com/p/18-or-82-which-would-you-choose) is but it is a time for getting to know about life. There is SO much life beyond, each period different in its own way. I don’t think people your age should be worrying at all about old age, never mind even being 40 (which is very young to me), but tuck it away in the back of your mind that as long as you have interests and curiosity (and good health), you can have a full life. Perhaps you would like this, about my father: https://arichardson.substack.com/p/when-do-people-stop-having-sex
Have a lovely life and, for best results, don’t worry too much. (Worrying a little bit is sensible.)
you're right! I think worrying too much kills the joy. Thank you so much for these words. I wish you the best. I will be reading your substack regularly :)
I’m pleased you’re reading. I write about all sorts of things - not just about being old. Do h ave a look around.
I couldn’t agree more. I’ve done more significant, personal growth things in the 16 years since I turned 60 than at any other time in my life. I earned an MBA, I started a travel blog, I bought a house I moved I left “real” employment. I brag a working with a podcast group, writing on Medium and Substack. Four grandchildren later it’s been a time of blessing and yes optimism for the future. Whew.
Wow, I am exhausted just reading this! But yes, nothing to stop us being active and doing what gives us pleasure. I just returned from choir practice.
Well, it didn’t happen all at once :)!
I'm only 20 at the time of reading this but I try so, so hard to live with this all in mind. I have so much life I can hardly wrap my mind around it. I am so free to do so many things, yet I struggle to remember that. I am excited to age, but that fear never fully goes away, this has aided it some, though. Thank you :)
Hey, Loretta, at 20, you have far more interesting things to think about than old age. You probably think 30 is a big milestone. Enjoy your life, enjoy your youth, it's a time for exploration and discovery. There's so much out there still to learn and so much inside you, too. But tuck it into the back of your mind that there are a lot of good things about growing older – and don't let anyone try to convince you otherwise. Each decade has its own joys and I wouldn't wish you to be in your 80s now. But most of all, don't worry about it. You will find your own insights in your own time.
Hard to shed that feeling of time running out.
Hi Ann, this is a wonderful essay. I meet many of these women at 50 or 60 etc. and feel they are at the end.
I’m 67 and I feel like my best years have only just begun. Thank you for your inspiration.
We are wiser. We care zip about the things that don’t matter. And yes, we feel more embodied.
For me, it’s a time of deep integration
Enjoy your headstands I do them also.
🌹
Thank you, Prajna, for your lovely comment. Sounds like we are of like mind, including the headstands. I have just written a post partially about what headstands mean to me at my age for Advantages of Age, coming out soon.
Wonderful. I will look forward to it. Feel free to tag me.
I did, of course, write a longer piece about why people do headstands, complete with demonstration: https://arichardson.substack.com/p/why-does-anyone-stand-on-their-head
I remember when 30 was considered "over the hill." I hope we have learned that there is more than one hill. There are a multitude of hills that we can continue to explore over all our years if we choose. Your beautiful post and so many of the comments written here validate that. 💕
Thanks, Cathy, for your regular support. And yes, there are loads of hills. My 100-year-old friend (with a complete set of marbles) says you're not old until you're 90!
In my 70's , I lurch from one thing to another with the occasional celebration when I complete something.I don't have any clear view of direction. Self publishing a book ( Other Words are Available) felt like I had climbed a mountain. Such a relief, but it still feels like a disorganised race.
What is the race? Sit back and think about how you really want to spend your time. You will feel better for it.
What I'm enjoying at the age of 70 is freedom to choose my future, day by day. I'm not tethered to a work schedule or a child's schedule. I get to carve out how I spend my days. I choose when I sleep, eat, and exercise. I can choose volunteer work, since the need to earn a living and add to my retirement is no longer a primary focus. The future, at this age, has more options. I like it. I like it a lot.
You’re absolutely right there. And right to like it.
One ingredient that enriches old age is burning curiosity. The unencumbered pursuit of multiple interests can make old age a joy ride into the sunset.
So maybe that's where I am.Pursuing multiple interests in a rush.
No harm in that if you’re enjoying it. But if you’re feeling rushed, then the simple solution is to slow down.
Completely agree. I am not the most curious person in the world, but I haven’t yet run out of things to inspire me. Well said.
I started taking violin lessons 10 years ago at age 60 and I am having so much fun with it. My violin teacher is great and has become a dear friend. Playing the violin was on my bucket list and when I found my teacher, I bought a student violin and have since graduated to a great 3/4 size violin as I am small.There is a sense of accomplishment here even if I just fiddle around a bit.
That is terrific! What an excellent way to spend your time. I sing in a choir, but have done for years - although I have just moved from alto to tenor, which takes a lot of new learning and remembering to look at the third line down. I am thinking of writing about it some time soon.
Funny, I just said this week, "What is there to look forward to?" I had come down to the seashore, where the scent and the ocean breezes reminded me poignantly of moments of dreaming in my youth. College was in my future. That one romantic relationship that would become marriage. My career. Later it was children (6) and helping them graduate. But they've all moved away and I've retired. I'm writing but I can hardly imagine I'll ever be published. Well, I think my gloomy outlook is colored by the recent death of my father in law, for whom I provided hospice care in his final week. I'm sure I'll recover my sense of delight in the world, but I do feel like the Big events are all behind me.
The truth is, Ruth, you just don't know what is in front of you. I would much rather be old, as you can see here: https://arichardson.substack.com/p/18-or-82-which-would-you-choose. With six children, you must have some grandchildren either now or to-be who will give you a new lease of life. Mine were a total revelation. But I can understand how looking after your father-in-law might have made you feel low. Give it time.
Thanks for this. My two grandchildren live in far off states. I still haven't got the whole 'be a grandmother by video' thing. Wish I lived nearby and could drop in. But I live in the country and get to take long bike rides and spend hours writing, so I have a lot to be thankful for.
My bad, as the young say nowadays. I forget that having grandchildren is not the same as having grandchildren living nearby. I was lucky in that my two children settled in London (where I live), so my grandchildren were relatively easy on hand.