18 or 82 - Which Would You Choose?

Thought for the Fortnight

Two numbers have been swirling around my head recently: 18 and 82.

They look like they should have some sort of mathematical relationship – and perhaps they do – but if so, I don’t know what it is.

No, very simply, they are ages.

My grandson recently turned 18, just finished his ‘A’ levels (the British equivalent of high school final exams, but assessed nationally) and is ready to embark on a new life at university. 

I am 82 and not about to embark on anything much. I have been there, done that, got the cliché. 

And as a little mental game, I offer the purely hypothetical question, whose shoes would you rather be in?  The principal rule in this ‘game’ is that you can’t be 18 with any of the knowledge that you have gained since that age. Nor, for that matter, 82 with all the vigour and beauty of youth.

The obvious answer

Well, the answer’s completely obvious, isn’t it. Who wouldn’t choose the threshold of life?

At 18, you have your youth, your health and all your vigour. Your whole life is in front of you – an exciting thing to look forward to. You don’t know what you will do for a living, who you will marry, what children you will have or, indeed, where you will live. And much else besides. It’s all a project waiting to unfold. 

So many pleasures yet to discover. So many hills to climb and conquer. No responsibilities – or not very many. Just time – lots of time, to go, to think, to be.

At 82, in contrast, it is all over. You are definitely old (whether or not you like the word), you are heading downhill, with perhaps little to look forward to. You are probably having to cope with all sorts of old-people’s diseases, like arthritis or worse. You have little energy to go anywhere and your life may be pretty dull.

Being old has been in the news a lot recently. This is strictly non-political.

Those are the standard images. No contest.

A different response

There is no right or wrong answer, so you can come to your own conclusions. But for me, the answer is not the obvious one.

I love being my age. It helps that I am healthy and do everything I can to keep it that way – I eat well, I exercise and generally manage to get my beauty sleep.

It helps, also, that I have a very happy marriage and have not yet found my day-to-day life with my husband of 61 years at all boring. He is a true partner in life, a close friend and much else. Not to mention, two lovely children and two very interesting grandchildren on the verge of adulthood.

I may be ‘on my way out’ as befits the image of 82, but I don’t feel that way. Yes, my looks are not what they were, my memory is atrocious and my energy levels are getting worse every year. I am certainly aware of being no longer young.

But there are so many benefits to being older that it is a wonder that people aren’t out there singing them in the street. We old people have the confidence that comes with age, we feel comfortable with ourselves and our relationships are well seasoned.

And, contrary to the traditional image, I don’t feel that I have nothing to do. On the contrary, my days are full. Sometimes too much so.

If I feel like writing (and it is my drug of choice), you will find me at my computer trying – as throughout my life – to put my thoughts in the right order, expressed in a stimulating way.  If I feel like lazing around, I can do that too – poking about in the garden, chatting endlessly to my husband or even sitting in front of the TV news (a full-time job at the moment, with recent events in the UK, US and France, never mind elsewhere).

And when I look at my grandson and his friends, I see a very different mindset. The following is not based on him – his privacy must be respected – but on a wider view.

At 18, yes, your whole future is in front of you, but how do you know you will make it a good one? You are full of dreams about what to do with your life, but there’s often a little voice saying, “Will I be good enough to achieve them?” Or will I find someone to love me?  Or, more generally, will I get anywhere at all in life?  Starting, most urgently right now, with “will I get into my first choice of university?”

No, to me, 18 is a period of enormous pressure without the concomitant confidence to know it will probably be all right in the end. Yes, you’re at the beginning of adult life, but with too many unanswered questions for comfort.

Not to mention all the new worries about the future concerning climate change, political changes and even AI.

No, I wouldn’t choose to go back to age 18 for all the tea in Harrods!

Over to you: So what would you choose? You’re probably somewhere in-between - where would you most like to be?