Hardly in between at 87 and never imagined I would be as busy and as engaged as I am in living a full life at this point in time. In fact, I didn't expect to even be here but here I am and while I am here I will continue to make the most of every day, as I say, up to the brim, spilling over with gratitude. Is that the same as "my cup runneth over?" I am possibly as creative now as earlier although the earlier creations involved more people, building and sustaining learning communities. The good part is I am still learning and loving it.
Yes, it's lovely to be still learning in our 80s. I just made a video 'Introduction to Substack for Writers' for a writers conference, which I offered to do (free) because I thought it would challenge me. I have given loads of talks in my life, so that wasn't the hard part – but coping with Zoom and Powerpoint and Record was definitely a challenge. Very pleased I did it.
18 or 82 — I love your response. I have not accumulated all the wisdom, knowing, and life at 82. I also don’t fear growing older. You are an inspiration. I love standing on my head, however I do it less at 67 - but have too many things keeping me busy as well.
I love your post, Ann and all the comments it’s generated. I, too, am 82, and this is turning out to be one of the most creative times of my life! Everything I’m doing right now is totally unexpected, which makes it even more exciting. I was a complete mess at eighteen, incredibly shy and insecure. I was born in 1941, and just a few months later, my father became a POW of the Japanese for nearly four years. The war had a terrible impact on both my parents for different reasons, and the result was that growing up, it felt like I and my sisters were living in a war zone. This impacted my life and so many of the decisions I made. But now, like Nneka so beautifully put it below, I’ve lived things and finally figured out what’s important to me and how to live well. I’ve got writing goals for the next ‘n’ number of years, grandchildren to watch growing up, and, who knows, maybe even another overseas trip!
I just noticed that I never responded to this. I was born in the US and my father never passed his medical to go to war (after a big send off from his office!). Yes, I certainly feel that there’s a lot of living still to be done.
I love this. When you asked the question at the beginning, my answer was easy: 81! In my case, I'm 73. I wouldn't want to go back to 18. I wish I had the energy I had back then, but luckily, I'm still pretty healthy except for that back that likes to act up a bit. It's not a boring stage in life. There is so much to do and so much to learn.
No way I’d ever want to be 18 again. I was such a child. I love being 65. Life is full and precious. I appreciate everything so much more. No hormones, no anxiety, just Be Here Now. Superb. Thanks for the article. Sending heaps of hugs and best wishes.
Another point of view. I appreciate my journey to 83 and the adventures I have had, and hopefully will continue to have. It isn't about health... although that is a factor, it is all about thinking back to those mistakes you didn't get caught with, and all those little successes that kept my curiosity involving me in adventures of the mind, spirit and body. At 18 I wasn't aware that I had an inner strength. Or, what lay ahead and every day was an adventure.
Thanks, Pat, all good stuff. If you get down to it, 18 year olds don't have much of a clue of the good things and bad things that will confront them in life.
Thanks Ann I love this thought experiment. Age is a curious thing. I’m 60 this year and reflecting lots on these kind of questions which I wrote about in my blog 1000Weeks…following Oliver Burkeman’s 4000 weeks logic you have bust the stat! Brilliant. I intend to to!
Happily i see similes in most ages…my PT is 30, I’m 60 so I wrote about just that. Take a peek, I’d love to know your thoughts.
I choose right now. I’m 2 months from 50 and, like you said, I feel more confident than I ever have.
I feel so sure.
I’ve been through 2 divorces, 2 crises of faith, weight loss, witnessing my dad disappear before my very eyes. I’ve had giddy school girl love and deep heart wrenching/warming love.
I’ve lived. I KNOW things. Not through an idea, observation, or reading it in a book. I’ve lived things.
I feel like I’ve finally figured out what’s important to me and how to live well.
I am living EVERY moment between now and 82 and beyond with that confidence.
NOW is a very good answer for anyone, Nneka, but the 50s are a great period for feeling good with yourself while having loads of energy to pursue what you want. Enjoy the fruits of your experience. If you can keep your health, it just. keeps getting better (and you might be interested to know I have written a book on this very subject, called The Granny Who Stands on her Head: Reflections on growing older). I named the Substack after my book.
Things were simpler in a lot of ways at age 18. But in some ways I feel younger now than I felt then. Thanks for the reminder that age is relative. This is also a reminder, however, that wisdom is not a guarantee with age, nor is feeling satisfied with your life. I've known some terrified older people, some bitter ones, many filled with regret. So the best answer is "it depends" (no ageist pun intended).
This also recalls a conversation I had recently with my father while visiting my parents in Montana. They've been talking about downsizing for several years, but he has taken no action (and he will have to initiate it). He's now 73. Age 80 will look quite different for him and for my mother if he doesn't take some steps now to clear the way for a slower pace, a smaller house with no stairs, and other steps that could prevent a major intervention.
You're absolutely right that it depends on a lot of things. And that older isn't necessarily wiser. But for me it is a complete surprise to find how well I feel now and how much happier than ever. It is not what I expected. And good luck to your parents. Downsizing is damned difficult – it's not only all the hassle, but it's very emotional to part with things and a place you have lived in - in my case for nearly 50 years. My husband and I need to do it, but haven't. Perhaps we never will. There's another post in all that somewhere.
I guess I’m in the minority. I’d like to be 18 again. My teenage years were lost to me and it took a bit of time afterwards to catch up with my peers emotionally. I just wasn’t equipped to make the choices needed to build the rest of my life on. I found my way in my mid thirties and have had a wonderful fulfilling life. I still do. I just wish I could recoup those years that were stolen from me now that I’m 75 and there’s not as many left as I’d like.
You are very elusive, Evelina, about your teen years (which is fine), but fair enough, we are all different. If you lost those years, I can understand your wanting them back. And yes, we are certainly closer to the end of life than we used to be, albeit with no knowledge of when that will be.
Not deliberately elusive. I just didn’t want to distract from the discussion. I am a survivor of sex trafficking. I don’t hide it. In fact, I was a second wave, radical feminist activist in the 80s. I organized, conducted original research, wrote about public policy in legal journals and feminist theory about prostitution as a form of violence against women in the academic and popular press.
I wouldn't be 18 again for anything. Oh, the confusion! Who am I? When will I find The One? Almost 75, I like the person I am and the friend of my heart who turned out to be The One.
I would think most people would prefer themselves in their 60s, 70sand 80s than age 18. We were so unsure of ourselves back then, it doesn't make for likeable.
This is such a fascinating thought experiment! I’m almost slap bang in the middle at 47 - and my gut reaction as I was reading your piece was that obviously everyone would opt for 82 but I guess not eh 😄 I was not at all happy at 18 but have gradually got happier and happier through my 20s & 30s and on into my 40s so i guess I’ve been assuming that will continue. I’m lucky to know plenty of fantastically cool & interesting folk in their 70s and older and your piece only reaffirms that life lived with many decades under your belt can be the best yet 😎🤩
Absolutely right. For loads of us, life just gets better and better. I didn't say so in the piece, but I have written a whole book on the subject, same title as my Substack.
Yes! It’s on my TBR list - a perfect one to pack for our hols on the Isle of Wight in a couple of weeks I’m thinking. And then maybe pass it on to my 86 year old mum in law to read after she’s cycled back from the allotment eh 😁
Yes, my book is very good travel reading - it's easy to read, but in lots of little segments so you can pick it up and put it down again with no fear of losing the plot. But also stimulating, I hope, so might give you something to talk about (not that you need it, but you know what I mean).
I'd quite like to be 40 again but I am much happier at 67 than I ever was at 18. My favourite friends are in their late eighties and when we are together we are open and very 'now'. There is only now but there's lots of it.
Good for you, Jennifer. I think it's wonderful for everyone when people make friends of different ages. And when you get very old, it is essential because your friends of the same age may have died off.
I would choose exactly where I am today. I wish I had been wiser when I was 18, but I love where I am. Thanks for a thought-provoking post! I feel like I'm at the top of my game.
Hardly in between at 87 and never imagined I would be as busy and as engaged as I am in living a full life at this point in time. In fact, I didn't expect to even be here but here I am and while I am here I will continue to make the most of every day, as I say, up to the brim, spilling over with gratitude. Is that the same as "my cup runneth over?" I am possibly as creative now as earlier although the earlier creations involved more people, building and sustaining learning communities. The good part is I am still learning and loving it.
Yes, it's lovely to be still learning in our 80s. I just made a video 'Introduction to Substack for Writers' for a writers conference, which I offered to do (free) because I thought it would challenge me. I have given loads of talks in my life, so that wasn't the hard part – but coping with Zoom and Powerpoint and Record was definitely a challenge. Very pleased I did it.
18 or 82 — I love your response. I have not accumulated all the wisdom, knowing, and life at 82. I also don’t fear growing older. You are an inspiration. I love standing on my head, however I do it less at 67 - but have too many things keeping me busy as well.
Thank you
I love this piece, the entire essay is superb!
Thanks so much. Happy readers are the summit of Substack.
I love your post, Ann and all the comments it’s generated. I, too, am 82, and this is turning out to be one of the most creative times of my life! Everything I’m doing right now is totally unexpected, which makes it even more exciting. I was a complete mess at eighteen, incredibly shy and insecure. I was born in 1941, and just a few months later, my father became a POW of the Japanese for nearly four years. The war had a terrible impact on both my parents for different reasons, and the result was that growing up, it felt like I and my sisters were living in a war zone. This impacted my life and so many of the decisions I made. But now, like Nneka so beautifully put it below, I’ve lived things and finally figured out what’s important to me and how to live well. I’ve got writing goals for the next ‘n’ number of years, grandchildren to watch growing up, and, who knows, maybe even another overseas trip!
I just noticed that I never responded to this. I was born in the US and my father never passed his medical to go to war (after a big send off from his office!). Yes, I certainly feel that there’s a lot of living still to be done.
I love this. When you asked the question at the beginning, my answer was easy: 81! In my case, I'm 73. I wouldn't want to go back to 18. I wish I had the energy I had back then, but luckily, I'm still pretty healthy except for that back that likes to act up a bit. It's not a boring stage in life. There is so much to do and so much to learn.
Thank you. I try to put a different spin on growing older and I am delighted that it seems to go down well with readers.
No way I’d ever want to be 18 again. I was such a child. I love being 65. Life is full and precious. I appreciate everything so much more. No hormones, no anxiety, just Be Here Now. Superb. Thanks for the article. Sending heaps of hugs and best wishes.
I intend to reply to everyone so my apologies. Hugs back to you.
Another point of view. I appreciate my journey to 83 and the adventures I have had, and hopefully will continue to have. It isn't about health... although that is a factor, it is all about thinking back to those mistakes you didn't get caught with, and all those little successes that kept my curiosity involving me in adventures of the mind, spirit and body. At 18 I wasn't aware that I had an inner strength. Or, what lay ahead and every day was an adventure.
Thanks, Pat, all good stuff. If you get down to it, 18 year olds don't have much of a clue of the good things and bad things that will confront them in life.
Thank you Ann.
I am trying to cut through the politics and inform people of what is at stake.
Thanks Ann I love this thought experiment. Age is a curious thing. I’m 60 this year and reflecting lots on these kind of questions which I wrote about in my blog 1000Weeks…following Oliver Burkeman’s 4000 weeks logic you have bust the stat! Brilliant. I intend to to!
Happily i see similes in most ages…my PT is 30, I’m 60 so I wrote about just that. Take a peek, I’d love to know your thoughts.
Looks like you have a lot of very sensible practical concerns. I have them, too, but have a low interest in writing about them! I followed you.
Thanks Ann :-)
I choose right now. I’m 2 months from 50 and, like you said, I feel more confident than I ever have.
I feel so sure.
I’ve been through 2 divorces, 2 crises of faith, weight loss, witnessing my dad disappear before my very eyes. I’ve had giddy school girl love and deep heart wrenching/warming love.
I’ve lived. I KNOW things. Not through an idea, observation, or reading it in a book. I’ve lived things.
I feel like I’ve finally figured out what’s important to me and how to live well.
I am living EVERY moment between now and 82 and beyond with that confidence.
I’m LOVING this season! It’s my best yet❣️
I love this answer too. True lived wisdom — fantastic season.
NOW is a very good answer for anyone, Nneka, but the 50s are a great period for feeling good with yourself while having loads of energy to pursue what you want. Enjoy the fruits of your experience. If you can keep your health, it just. keeps getting better (and you might be interested to know I have written a book on this very subject, called The Granny Who Stands on her Head: Reflections on growing older). I named the Substack after my book.
Things were simpler in a lot of ways at age 18. But in some ways I feel younger now than I felt then. Thanks for the reminder that age is relative. This is also a reminder, however, that wisdom is not a guarantee with age, nor is feeling satisfied with your life. I've known some terrified older people, some bitter ones, many filled with regret. So the best answer is "it depends" (no ageist pun intended).
This also recalls a conversation I had recently with my father while visiting my parents in Montana. They've been talking about downsizing for several years, but he has taken no action (and he will have to initiate it). He's now 73. Age 80 will look quite different for him and for my mother if he doesn't take some steps now to clear the way for a slower pace, a smaller house with no stairs, and other steps that could prevent a major intervention.
You're absolutely right that it depends on a lot of things. And that older isn't necessarily wiser. But for me it is a complete surprise to find how well I feel now and how much happier than ever. It is not what I expected. And good luck to your parents. Downsizing is damned difficult – it's not only all the hassle, but it's very emotional to part with things and a place you have lived in - in my case for nearly 50 years. My husband and I need to do it, but haven't. Perhaps we never will. There's another post in all that somewhere.
I guess I’m in the minority. I’d like to be 18 again. My teenage years were lost to me and it took a bit of time afterwards to catch up with my peers emotionally. I just wasn’t equipped to make the choices needed to build the rest of my life on. I found my way in my mid thirties and have had a wonderful fulfilling life. I still do. I just wish I could recoup those years that were stolen from me now that I’m 75 and there’s not as many left as I’d like.
You are very elusive, Evelina, about your teen years (which is fine), but fair enough, we are all different. If you lost those years, I can understand your wanting them back. And yes, we are certainly closer to the end of life than we used to be, albeit with no knowledge of when that will be.
Not deliberately elusive. I just didn’t want to distract from the discussion. I am a survivor of sex trafficking. I don’t hide it. In fact, I was a second wave, radical feminist activist in the 80s. I organized, conducted original research, wrote about public policy in legal journals and feminist theory about prostitution as a form of violence against women in the academic and popular press.
Very thoughtful of you. And good for you with the second part.
I wouldn't be 18 again for anything. Oh, the confusion! Who am I? When will I find The One? Almost 75, I like the person I am and the friend of my heart who turned out to be The One.
I would think most people would prefer themselves in their 60s, 70sand 80s than age 18. We were so unsure of ourselves back then, it doesn't make for likeable.
This is such a fascinating thought experiment! I’m almost slap bang in the middle at 47 - and my gut reaction as I was reading your piece was that obviously everyone would opt for 82 but I guess not eh 😄 I was not at all happy at 18 but have gradually got happier and happier through my 20s & 30s and on into my 40s so i guess I’ve been assuming that will continue. I’m lucky to know plenty of fantastically cool & interesting folk in their 70s and older and your piece only reaffirms that life lived with many decades under your belt can be the best yet 😎🤩
Absolutely right. For loads of us, life just gets better and better. I didn't say so in the piece, but I have written a whole book on the subject, same title as my Substack.
Yes! It’s on my TBR list - a perfect one to pack for our hols on the Isle of Wight in a couple of weeks I’m thinking. And then maybe pass it on to my 86 year old mum in law to read after she’s cycled back from the allotment eh 😁
Yes, my book is very good travel reading - it's easy to read, but in lots of little segments so you can pick it up and put it down again with no fear of losing the plot. But also stimulating, I hope, so might give you something to talk about (not that you need it, but you know what I mean).
I'd quite like to be 40 again but I am much happier at 67 than I ever was at 18. My favourite friends are in their late eighties and when we are together we are open and very 'now'. There is only now but there's lots of it.
I am shortly going to a visit a friend aged 99 (to turn 100 in late August) and it is always fun.
Time is much better when it's in short supply.
That may well be part of the equation, although I think it is more about people having had loads of experience and growing into their true selves.
yes - that too!
Ann, perfectly expressed!
Thanks, Debbie. Sometimes I work hard on a piece and sometimes it just falls out of my head into my computer. This was one of the latter.
My friend Iris is a lively involved 82 and I love spending time with her. Can't imagine hanging out with only young people.
Good for you, Jennifer. I think it's wonderful for everyone when people make friends of different ages. And when you get very old, it is essential because your friends of the same age may have died off.
I would choose exactly where I am today. I wish I had been wiser when I was 18, but I love where I am. Thanks for a thought-provoking post! I feel like I'm at the top of my game.
Yup, me too. 18 is not the age for wisdom!