A touching story, Ann, and a service to others to share it. I thought of this piece while listening to Gillian Anderson on the radio yesterday being interviewed about her recent book "Want," a compilation of hundreds of anonymous contributions by women describing their unspoken desires.
Thank-you. I actually wrote it five or so years ago and published it in my most recent book in 2021. My book is about how like being old, noting that there are many good new things about being old (as well as some bad ones), but there are also many good things which continue (as well as some bad ones). I wanted to communicate that sex continues if you want it to, but was reluctant to write about my own sex life and thought discussing my dad - at his amazing 90 years old - did the trick. Since then, I have become less bashful and fully admit to a wonderful sex life at 82 with no sign of it stopping. One of the great things about getting old is a general willingness to tell it like it is. If that is Too Much Information for other people, that is their problem.
Yes and we can all learn from him. I am now an active 82 year old and feel he showed me what is possible. My interest is in sharing this with others. Including standing on my head.
You could say the same for most of my posts. I am interested in helping younger people (which is just about everybody here) to see how free we are as we grow older.
What a lovely and sensitive story. I am so glad you were able to help your father find self-acceptance, when he was clearly taking care of himself, your mother, and his new partner. And, yes, there is no expiration date on sexuality and desire. Joan Price writes extensively about sexuality later in life. Her book, "Naked at Our Age," is a great starting point.
This is a great story Anne. I'm glad your father was able to be near your mother as her illness worsened, and also find someone to be intimate with. I wanted to cry when I heard the woman sat with his body for a long time when he died. I'm sure he was a light in her life and she in his.
Another lovely story. You don't say so one way or another, but I hope you were happy for her/them. I thank my lucky stars every day (more or less) that my husband and I, age 84 and 82, are still happily married - after 61 years.
My father died after a long battle with cancer and my Mum, who's a very social person, effectivley didn't leave the house for 2 years. She'd given up most of her fun pursuits to look after Dad and it seemed like she didn't know how to pick them up again. But slowly, she started revisiting the local clubs and organisations she and Dad used to be a part of. Now 79, she was bemused to find herself being asked out on dates by lonely widowers and while she fended some off, confided in me one day that she'd been going out to dinner with a particular gentlemen every 2nd Wednesday, and she would cook him dinner on the alternate Wednesday. "I think he'd like to take it further", she said, "but I'm happy in my own house,." 6 weeks later (and 8 weeks after they'd first met she phoned to say "Brian's asked me to marry him and I've said yes. We're 79 and could spend the next 2 years getting to know each other, but we could be dead then, so we're going for it". 11 years later they're still happily married.
A lovely story. Dementia is such a cruel disease. I’m so glad that things worked out as they did and that you reacted positively. As an aside it’s so hard when couple have different levels of interest in sex. For a lot of people, sex and love and intimacy are so closely linked. There’s such sadness when one is less interested in that physical sharing.
I'm sure you are right, Beth, to add that caveat. It must be a much under-discussed issue in marriage. I am glad I am not a marriage counsellor and only have to think about my own. And I am all for linking everything together - touch of all kinds, love, intimacy. Seems all of a bundle to me.
Lovely post. My desire and libido is stronger now in my fifties than ever and sex forever sounds good to me! The intimacy with a loved one, and the release of orgasm and the joy—I often break out in laughter. Who would stop?!
Desire definitely doesn't wane after menopause or after any specific age. But I think at any age one has to be open to sex, and when you're both older like my husband and I (75 and 63) it might not be front of mind like it is when you're younger. We like to make a date for a sexy afternoon encounter with a sexy book or video as a warm up to the "real thing" as your dad put it. I like the physical contact, the sex, and the anticipation too.
Perfect post for me today. Yesterday I had an extensive eye exam early in the day. As I sat down in front of the first machine I said to the young woman that I should turn off my phone because my boyfriend usually called at that time. She seemed surprised to hear the news and repeated the word boyfriend, so I elaborated that he was my lover. She knew I was 79, and she shyly asked was he younger. I laughed and said as a matter of fact he was 65. She mentioned that she had understood that desire waned after menopause but I assured her that wasn’t the case for me. After the test I reminded her that my motto is “sex until death” for everyone and that regardless of who she might partner with that her pleasure should be paramount.
Sounds like you and I are on the same train. "Sex until death" suits me fine. And I think it's time that young people know that, as I said elsewhere, we old people have more on our minds than our slippers. My father definitely did.
A touching story, Ann, and a service to others to share it. I thought of this piece while listening to Gillian Anderson on the radio yesterday being interviewed about her recent book "Want," a compilation of hundreds of anonymous contributions by women describing their unspoken desires.
Thank-you. I actually wrote it five or so years ago and published it in my most recent book in 2021. My book is about how like being old, noting that there are many good new things about being old (as well as some bad ones), but there are also many good things which continue (as well as some bad ones). I wanted to communicate that sex continues if you want it to, but was reluctant to write about my own sex life and thought discussing my dad - at his amazing 90 years old - did the trick. Since then, I have become less bashful and fully admit to a wonderful sex life at 82 with no sign of it stopping. One of the great things about getting old is a general willingness to tell it like it is. If that is Too Much Information for other people, that is their problem.
Such a beautiful heartfelt story Ann, good on your Dad living his life to the fullest up until the end. 🤎
Yes and we can all learn from him. I am now an active 82 year old and feel he showed me what is possible. My interest is in sharing this with others. Including standing on my head.
I am so glad you shared this story. An honest account of how we have to make our own principled rules as we age.
You could say the same for most of my posts. I am interested in helping younger people (which is just about everybody here) to see how free we are as we grow older.
What a lovely and sensitive story. I am so glad you were able to help your father find self-acceptance, when he was clearly taking care of himself, your mother, and his new partner. And, yes, there is no expiration date on sexuality and desire. Joan Price writes extensively about sexuality later in life. Her book, "Naked at Our Age," is a great starting point.
This is a great story Anne. I'm glad your father was able to be near your mother as her illness worsened, and also find someone to be intimate with. I wanted to cry when I heard the woman sat with his body for a long time when he died. I'm sure he was a light in her life and she in his.
Thank-you. My daughter had the same reaction as you in wanting to cry at that point.
Another lovely story. You don't say so one way or another, but I hope you were happy for her/them. I thank my lucky stars every day (more or less) that my husband and I, age 84 and 82, are still happily married - after 61 years.
My father died after a long battle with cancer and my Mum, who's a very social person, effectivley didn't leave the house for 2 years. She'd given up most of her fun pursuits to look after Dad and it seemed like she didn't know how to pick them up again. But slowly, she started revisiting the local clubs and organisations she and Dad used to be a part of. Now 79, she was bemused to find herself being asked out on dates by lonely widowers and while she fended some off, confided in me one day that she'd been going out to dinner with a particular gentlemen every 2nd Wednesday, and she would cook him dinner on the alternate Wednesday. "I think he'd like to take it further", she said, "but I'm happy in my own house,." 6 weeks later (and 8 weeks after they'd first met she phoned to say "Brian's asked me to marry him and I've said yes. We're 79 and could spend the next 2 years getting to know each other, but we could be dead then, so we're going for it". 11 years later they're still happily married.
A lovely story. Dementia is such a cruel disease. I’m so glad that things worked out as they did and that you reacted positively. As an aside it’s so hard when couple have different levels of interest in sex. For a lot of people, sex and love and intimacy are so closely linked. There’s such sadness when one is less interested in that physical sharing.
I'm sure you are right, Beth, to add that caveat. It must be a much under-discussed issue in marriage. I am glad I am not a marriage counsellor and only have to think about my own. And I am all for linking everything together - touch of all kinds, love, intimacy. Seems all of a bundle to me.
Lovely post. My desire and libido is stronger now in my fifties than ever and sex forever sounds good to me! The intimacy with a loved one, and the release of orgasm and the joy—I often break out in laughter. Who would stop?!
Yes exactly -- why stop?
Yes absolutely. It always gives me hope to hear it's not all downhill from where I am in the 50s 😃
Desire definitely doesn't wane after menopause or after any specific age. But I think at any age one has to be open to sex, and when you're both older like my husband and I (75 and 63) it might not be front of mind like it is when you're younger. We like to make a date for a sexy afternoon encounter with a sexy book or video as a warm up to the "real thing" as your dad put it. I like the physical contact, the sex, and the anticipation too.
All of that is wonderful, free and freeing. Well put.
Perfect post for me today. Yesterday I had an extensive eye exam early in the day. As I sat down in front of the first machine I said to the young woman that I should turn off my phone because my boyfriend usually called at that time. She seemed surprised to hear the news and repeated the word boyfriend, so I elaborated that he was my lover. She knew I was 79, and she shyly asked was he younger. I laughed and said as a matter of fact he was 65. She mentioned that she had understood that desire waned after menopause but I assured her that wasn’t the case for me. After the test I reminded her that my motto is “sex until death” for everyone and that regardless of who she might partner with that her pleasure should be paramount.
As Gray Panthers founder Maggie Kuhn put it, "Learning and sex until rigor mortis."
Thank you, Stella, for giving me validation from Maggie. I didn’t know she had said that.
Sounds like you and I are on the same train. "Sex until death" suits me fine. And I think it's time that young people know that, as I said elsewhere, we old people have more on our minds than our slippers. My father definitely did.