What a lovely story. At the age of 68 I remarried after being widowed. We will be celebrating our 5th anniversary in March and we still act as tho we are in our 20s. Life is exciting again.
Yes, it is a lovely story, which is why I wrote it, and it tells you that you have another 20 years or so to have an exciting life. When my father first told me, I was only 58 and it sounded a long time away. I am about to be 83 in two weeks and it feels very close. I am happy to say that we still have a happy marriage.
Strangely, this is not the only time that I wrote about my father's love life. You might like https://arichardson.substack.com/p/our-many-layered-selves which tells of my learning that he had a long affair when I was in my mid-teens. Quite a different tone.
And if you will indulge me to tell another story (I see you write one story at a time), my father was very wrapped up in the idea of fame. When we first moved to NYC in the early 50s, he took me to Times Square and showed me the names in lights and said "One day, your name will be up there!" and I really took it in. Needless to say, my name was never in lights and nor was his, but with the success of this post, he is slowly becoming famous (albeit anonymously).
My husband and I stopped having sex when the treatment for his prostate cancer left permanent scarring.
There is a saying: urologists are left with trying to repair the damage done by radiation oncologists.
Now we are in our mid seventies and sleep in separate bedrooms, otherwise we would be waking each other up all night because both of us are restless sleepers.
Do not feel sorry for me because I am supremely happy with this arrangement, and plan on sleeping alone for the rest of my life. (except for cats, of course)
I believe that two people should have sex for as long as they want but also should stop if they want. Whatever works for you! I wrote this piece because some people think sex stops at 40 or 50 or some other age and it seems important to realise that it doesn’t have to.
Sex stops when your partner has ADHD and you are no longer seen. That occurred when we celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary in 1985. We are now both in our 70’s and still married. I didn’t decide to be celibate it was thrust upon me. Divorce you say? LOL! I preferred not to be homeless and without income. My choice - it’s the one decision I still grieve and regret. I just wasn’t brave enough and didn’t believe in myself enough to make it alone. I still think about it, but not with my husband. The two lovers before I met him are my muses.
That is a very sad story. I'm not sure pressing the 'like' button is quite right, but I wanted to acknowledge it and what I consider a certain amount of bravery to write about it. Good luck. It's never too late.
I'm happy for your father. And it's telling that rates of chlamydia, syphilis, and gonorrhea have more than doubled in people 55 and older. (Of course, I don't think 55 is OLD...) But older folks DO need to keep in mind that STIs still exist and safe sex is important!
Great piece! I remember writing in my journal some years ago "The last time you ever make love, will you know it's the last?" It was a question for myself. Now at 71, having been single for so long, I cannot imagine sharing my body and bed and life with a partner again. I had plenty of that and am grateful for all of it! and so relieved to be done with it. But who knows? Maybe someday that will change, but I don't think so.
Thanks. I really want people to know it is possible. Whether it is good for them is up to them. I know it is good for me. And, as you say, you might change your mind if the right person popped up into your life. And, incidentally, I like your question. It seems to me you can't know if it is the last time because you or the partner could have a terrible accident (or something else) happen – and then you know after the fact. But you might know if you had decided to part or...heavens, what a lot of scenarios I can invent in my head.
A touching story, Ann, and a service to others to share it. I thought of this piece while listening to Gillian Anderson on the radio yesterday being interviewed about her recent book "Want," a compilation of hundreds of anonymous contributions by women describing their unspoken desires.
Thank-you. I actually wrote it five or so years ago and published it in my most recent book in 2021. My book is about how like being old, noting that there are many good new things about being old (as well as some bad ones), but there are also many good things which continue (as well as some bad ones). I wanted to communicate that sex continues if you want it to, but was reluctant to write about my own sex life and thought discussing my dad - at his amazing 90 years old - did the trick. Since then, I have become less bashful and fully admit to a wonderful sex life at 82 with no sign of it stopping. One of the great things about getting old is a general willingness to tell it like it is. If that is Too Much Information for other people, that is their problem.
Yes and we can all learn from him. I am now an active 82 year old and feel he showed me what is possible. My interest is in sharing this with others. Including standing on my head.
You could say the same for most of my posts. I am interested in helping younger people (which is just about everybody here) to see how free we are as we grow older.
What a lovely and sensitive story. I am so glad you were able to help your father find self-acceptance, when he was clearly taking care of himself, your mother, and his new partner. And, yes, there is no expiration date on sexuality and desire. Joan Price writes extensively about sexuality later in life. Her book, "Naked at Our Age," is a great starting point.
This is a great story Anne. I'm glad your father was able to be near your mother as her illness worsened, and also find someone to be intimate with. I wanted to cry when I heard the woman sat with his body for a long time when he died. I'm sure he was a light in her life and she in his.
Another lovely story. You don't say so one way or another, but I hope you were happy for her/them. I thank my lucky stars every day (more or less) that my husband and I, age 84 and 82, are still happily married - after 61 years.
My father died after a long battle with cancer and my Mum, who's a very social person, effectivley didn't leave the house for 2 years. She'd given up most of her fun pursuits to look after Dad and it seemed like she didn't know how to pick them up again. But slowly, she started revisiting the local clubs and organisations she and Dad used to be a part of. Now 79, she was bemused to find herself being asked out on dates by lonely widowers and while she fended some off, confided in me one day that she'd been going out to dinner with a particular gentlemen every 2nd Wednesday, and she would cook him dinner on the alternate Wednesday. "I think he'd like to take it further", she said, "but I'm happy in my own house,." 6 weeks later (and 8 weeks after they'd first met she phoned to say "Brian's asked me to marry him and I've said yes. We're 79 and could spend the next 2 years getting to know each other, but we could be dead then, so we're going for it". 11 years later they're still happily married.
A lovely story. Dementia is such a cruel disease. I’m so glad that things worked out as they did and that you reacted positively. As an aside it’s so hard when couple have different levels of interest in sex. For a lot of people, sex and love and intimacy are so closely linked. There’s such sadness when one is less interested in that physical sharing.
I'm sure you are right, Beth, to add that caveat. It must be a much under-discussed issue in marriage. I am glad I am not a marriage counsellor and only have to think about my own. And I am all for linking everything together - touch of all kinds, love, intimacy. Seems all of a bundle to me.
I love you 🌹🌹
What a lovely story. At the age of 68 I remarried after being widowed. We will be celebrating our 5th anniversary in March and we still act as tho we are in our 20s. Life is exciting again.
Yes, it is a lovely story, which is why I wrote it, and it tells you that you have another 20 years or so to have an exciting life. When my father first told me, I was only 58 and it sounded a long time away. I am about to be 83 in two weeks and it feels very close. I am happy to say that we still have a happy marriage.
Strangely, this is not the only time that I wrote about my father's love life. You might like https://arichardson.substack.com/p/our-many-layered-selves which tells of my learning that he had a long affair when I was in my mid-teens. Quite a different tone.
And if you will indulge me to tell another story (I see you write one story at a time), my father was very wrapped up in the idea of fame. When we first moved to NYC in the early 50s, he took me to Times Square and showed me the names in lights and said "One day, your name will be up there!" and I really took it in. Needless to say, my name was never in lights and nor was his, but with the success of this post, he is slowly becoming famous (albeit anonymously).
My husband and I stopped having sex when the treatment for his prostate cancer left permanent scarring.
There is a saying: urologists are left with trying to repair the damage done by radiation oncologists.
Now we are in our mid seventies and sleep in separate bedrooms, otherwise we would be waking each other up all night because both of us are restless sleepers.
Do not feel sorry for me because I am supremely happy with this arrangement, and plan on sleeping alone for the rest of my life. (except for cats, of course)
I believe that two people should have sex for as long as they want but also should stop if they want. Whatever works for you! I wrote this piece because some people think sex stops at 40 or 50 or some other age and it seems important to realise that it doesn’t have to.
Sex stops when your partner has ADHD and you are no longer seen. That occurred when we celebrated our 5th wedding anniversary in 1985. We are now both in our 70’s and still married. I didn’t decide to be celibate it was thrust upon me. Divorce you say? LOL! I preferred not to be homeless and without income. My choice - it’s the one decision I still grieve and regret. I just wasn’t brave enough and didn’t believe in myself enough to make it alone. I still think about it, but not with my husband. The two lovers before I met him are my muses.
That is a very sad story. I'm not sure pressing the 'like' button is quite right, but I wanted to acknowledge it and what I consider a certain amount of bravery to write about it. Good luck. It's never too late.
I absolutely love this story. Thank you for sharing.
So do I. And when the subject comes up in conversation, it really delights people.
I'm happy for your father. And it's telling that rates of chlamydia, syphilis, and gonorrhea have more than doubled in people 55 and older. (Of course, I don't think 55 is OLD...) But older folks DO need to keep in mind that STIs still exist and safe sex is important!
Yes, I have heard that before. I suspect that geriatricians are having to learn about all sorts of new issues, along with viagra.
Love in the old folks home? Well, thank goodness for that! Just have to barge my way in, I see.
Great piece! I remember writing in my journal some years ago "The last time you ever make love, will you know it's the last?" It was a question for myself. Now at 71, having been single for so long, I cannot imagine sharing my body and bed and life with a partner again. I had plenty of that and am grateful for all of it! and so relieved to be done with it. But who knows? Maybe someday that will change, but I don't think so.
Thanks. I really want people to know it is possible. Whether it is good for them is up to them. I know it is good for me. And, as you say, you might change your mind if the right person popped up into your life. And, incidentally, I like your question. It seems to me you can't know if it is the last time because you or the partner could have a terrible accident (or something else) happen – and then you know after the fact. But you might know if you had decided to part or...heavens, what a lot of scenarios I can invent in my head.
A touching story, Ann, and a service to others to share it. I thought of this piece while listening to Gillian Anderson on the radio yesterday being interviewed about her recent book "Want," a compilation of hundreds of anonymous contributions by women describing their unspoken desires.
Thank-you. I actually wrote it five or so years ago and published it in my most recent book in 2021. My book is about how like being old, noting that there are many good new things about being old (as well as some bad ones), but there are also many good things which continue (as well as some bad ones). I wanted to communicate that sex continues if you want it to, but was reluctant to write about my own sex life and thought discussing my dad - at his amazing 90 years old - did the trick. Since then, I have become less bashful and fully admit to a wonderful sex life at 82 with no sign of it stopping. One of the great things about getting old is a general willingness to tell it like it is. If that is Too Much Information for other people, that is their problem.
Such a beautiful heartfelt story Ann, good on your Dad living his life to the fullest up until the end. 🤎
Yes and we can all learn from him. I am now an active 82 year old and feel he showed me what is possible. My interest is in sharing this with others. Including standing on my head.
I am so glad you shared this story. An honest account of how we have to make our own principled rules as we age.
You could say the same for most of my posts. I am interested in helping younger people (which is just about everybody here) to see how free we are as we grow older.
What a lovely and sensitive story. I am so glad you were able to help your father find self-acceptance, when he was clearly taking care of himself, your mother, and his new partner. And, yes, there is no expiration date on sexuality and desire. Joan Price writes extensively about sexuality later in life. Her book, "Naked at Our Age," is a great starting point.
This is a great story Anne. I'm glad your father was able to be near your mother as her illness worsened, and also find someone to be intimate with. I wanted to cry when I heard the woman sat with his body for a long time when he died. I'm sure he was a light in her life and she in his.
Thank-you. My daughter had the same reaction as you in wanting to cry at that point.
Another lovely story. You don't say so one way or another, but I hope you were happy for her/them. I thank my lucky stars every day (more or less) that my husband and I, age 84 and 82, are still happily married - after 61 years.
My father died after a long battle with cancer and my Mum, who's a very social person, effectivley didn't leave the house for 2 years. She'd given up most of her fun pursuits to look after Dad and it seemed like she didn't know how to pick them up again. But slowly, she started revisiting the local clubs and organisations she and Dad used to be a part of. Now 79, she was bemused to find herself being asked out on dates by lonely widowers and while she fended some off, confided in me one day that she'd been going out to dinner with a particular gentlemen every 2nd Wednesday, and she would cook him dinner on the alternate Wednesday. "I think he'd like to take it further", she said, "but I'm happy in my own house,." 6 weeks later (and 8 weeks after they'd first met she phoned to say "Brian's asked me to marry him and I've said yes. We're 79 and could spend the next 2 years getting to know each other, but we could be dead then, so we're going for it". 11 years later they're still happily married.
A lovely story. Dementia is such a cruel disease. I’m so glad that things worked out as they did and that you reacted positively. As an aside it’s so hard when couple have different levels of interest in sex. For a lot of people, sex and love and intimacy are so closely linked. There’s such sadness when one is less interested in that physical sharing.
I'm sure you are right, Beth, to add that caveat. It must be a much under-discussed issue in marriage. I am glad I am not a marriage counsellor and only have to think about my own. And I am all for linking everything together - touch of all kinds, love, intimacy. Seems all of a bundle to me.