I am 82 years old and suddenly at the age of 78 my vulva became the center of my life. Previously I didn’t know about the vulva. I just called it my vagina. I went to my gynecologist complaining of a vaginal itch. She took one look at me and told me that I have Lichen Sclerosis. An autoimmune condition that attacks the vulva. There is no cure. It manifests itself with itching, burning, sometimes bleeding. Sometimes it is brought on by stress. The only thing that you can do is manage it. This includes wearing loose fitting clothes. Goodbye tight jeans and leggings. Hello loose fitting cargo pants and cotton undies. Some women wear skirts and dresses and go “commando “. Hello wash detergents that say free and clear for sensitive skin.
I had to start a regimen of steroid ointments, estrogen creams and moisturizers to apply “ down there”. I joined a Facebook support group and learned that eating anti-inflammatory foods can help. And read heartbreaking stories from younger women whose marriages broke up because they could no longer have sex. There are some women who have young daughters who have this condition.
I am one of the lucky ones. My symptoms are not so bad. Since my husband’s passing I have no sex life.
There is a stigma attached to this condition because it attacks The Vulva. There is little known about it unless you have it. And even then it is not talked about unless you have it and want to share it. So ladies, my Vulva has become the center of my life!
Ann I was raised in a Catholic orphanage with the nuns and got my period when I was 11 years old while riding a bicycle. I had no idea what was happening. I thought I was bleeding to death literally quite dramatic, but that's how I felt. Mother superior handed me two pins, a belt and a pad And explained how to wear it. Never once was I told why I was bleeding just that it would happen every month I was scared shitless. Of course I didn't say that then. That would be a whole other story. Thankfully, my daughters were given sex Ed in school.
It must have been bad enough being raised in a Catholic orphanage, Kathleen, but that is terrible. And it does seem that an awful lot of women were never given much information about anything. I hope you have written your story somewhere. These things need to be told.
The easy answer is you would somehow cauterise the wound if you did, but I don’t believe in easy answers. I am no expert and I don’t know you. I hope you work it out. I do think there would be a lot interest but that is not a reason to expose your inner pain.
My 4 sisters and I never learned the names of any of the parts of the body from mom. Thank God for health class in high school back in the '60s, although the classes were a little short in teaching the more intricate parts and what purpose they had. Great post.
Love that mom! I am a boy mom, and he learned all the accurate words for man and lady parts. Thing is, we are a bilingual family (English and German) living in a German-speaking place. The German word for vulva is— you guessed it— ‘die Vulva’, but NOBODY ever says that in German. Except my gynecologist, and I bet most of her patients don’t know exactly what that is. It’s an uphill battle, isn’t it.
Nobody much uses the word in English either as far as I am aware. Indeed, worse, they think the word vagina covers everything. It probably should have been called The Vulva Monologues, although I never saw the play). My husband and I just got into a discussion about what the word ‘cunt’ actually covers. Any idea?
Oh dear, I am slow! I didn't realise you were simply answering my question, because I forgot I asked it! I have an inquiring mind, but am very forgetful. BUT you didn't answer my real question. No one did!
In my family, there was shame and ridicule regarding the female body - probably because my parents were uncomfortable. I am hopeful for those two giggling girls. They have words - real words - and words have power.
Yes, you’re right there. It was really the stimulus for this piece that that mother was right. The radio programme must have gone on to discuss this but I don’t remember. The giggling girls in the bath were a brilliant coup. I sent this piece to the BBC to try to get it to the makers of the programme but never heard from them.
I’m sad to say I noticed I was shocked when I read the word ‘vulva’. It still takes time for me to adjust to the healthy use of these sorts of words, that were so taboo and so filled with shame when I was growing up. That applied to any that were to do with sex, for both male and female bits. I used to want to curl away into a corner and disappear.
Fortunately a lot of healing has taken place since then, but clearly there is room for more! (And I loved the story of the mum and her daughters in the bath. So loving). Thanks for all of this, Ann.
I thought I was very brave, Jane, when I first posted this, but now looking back, it doesn't seem brave at all. Just fun – and serious at the same time. But when I hear from people like you, perhaps it is brave. It's odd in your case, as you were so comfortable discussing death
I am one of those newer subscribers, so I appreciate the reshare.
This reminds me of when I was in sixth grade and all the girls were sent to the auditorium to watch a video about menstruation. When we came out, I don't think any of us felt all that enlightened. And the craziest thing was we were instructed to just tell the boys the video was about babysitting. Even back then, I remember that seemed ludicrous. I wrote about it in my memoir as it's something I've never forgotten.
That's funny. I never had such a video, but I am such an honest person, I would have told any boy who asked the truth.
I first learned a very unclear explanation of sex from an 8 year old friend who, when I garbled the word 'administration" (heaven only knows why I was using it) thought I was talking about menstruation, which led her to explain what happened to make babies. She took me into her large closet with the door closed and her hand cupped to my ear. I remember it all very clearly. It all sounded so ridiculous!
A long time ago, CK, they developed some product to spray 'down there' and my understanding was it was quite successful because women are so worried about their smells. I've always been minimalist in what I do and never bought it, but I seem to remember it was eventually stopped because it did more harm than good.
Back in the 70s when I was in my teens there were two books I found invaluable in my education about my own body. One was “Our Bodies, Ourselves” the other was called something like “Woman’s Body: An Owner’s Manual” (that might not be exactly correct). Both should be required reading for any teen girl growing into her body.
The 1950s (when I was a teenager) lacked all this. I was telling someone the other day, my mother bought me a book about how to manage as a teenager, which was perfectly sensible in principle, but the one thing I remember from it is that it gave lots of advice on how to fend off eager boys wanting sex (and everything leading up to it) but left me wondering what to do when I didn't want to fend them off! I had to work that out for myself.
Thanks, Rona. I admire your consistent commenting on (and restacking of) posts of other writers. Indeed, I took the liberty of restacking your comment! I always have good intentions to do so, too, but am not so reliable.
So glad someone is talking about it. I posted in an earlier Substack that I believed in sex until death. And someone commented that Maggie Kuhn (founder of the Grey Panthers) said something similar.
I am 82 years old and suddenly at the age of 78 my vulva became the center of my life. Previously I didn’t know about the vulva. I just called it my vagina. I went to my gynecologist complaining of a vaginal itch. She took one look at me and told me that I have Lichen Sclerosis. An autoimmune condition that attacks the vulva. There is no cure. It manifests itself with itching, burning, sometimes bleeding. Sometimes it is brought on by stress. The only thing that you can do is manage it. This includes wearing loose fitting clothes. Goodbye tight jeans and leggings. Hello loose fitting cargo pants and cotton undies. Some women wear skirts and dresses and go “commando “. Hello wash detergents that say free and clear for sensitive skin.
I had to start a regimen of steroid ointments, estrogen creams and moisturizers to apply “ down there”. I joined a Facebook support group and learned that eating anti-inflammatory foods can help. And read heartbreaking stories from younger women whose marriages broke up because they could no longer have sex. There are some women who have young daughters who have this condition.
I am one of the lucky ones. My symptoms are not so bad. Since my husband’s passing I have no sex life.
There is a stigma attached to this condition because it attacks The Vulva. There is little known about it unless you have it. And even then it is not talked about unless you have it and want to share it. So ladies, my Vulva has become the center of my life!
What a terrible condition. And I guess it’s not one you are keen to discuss with people! My sympathies.
Ann I was raised in a Catholic orphanage with the nuns and got my period when I was 11 years old while riding a bicycle. I had no idea what was happening. I thought I was bleeding to death literally quite dramatic, but that's how I felt. Mother superior handed me two pins, a belt and a pad And explained how to wear it. Never once was I told why I was bleeding just that it would happen every month I was scared shitless. Of course I didn't say that then. That would be a whole other story. Thankfully, my daughters were given sex Ed in school.
It must have been bad enough being raised in a Catholic orphanage, Kathleen, but that is terrible. And it does seem that an awful lot of women were never given much information about anything. I hope you have written your story somewhere. These things need to be told.
I've written some of it. But some things I can't even put words to or actually I'm afraid of the feelings if I put the words down.
The easy answer is you would somehow cauterise the wound if you did, but I don’t believe in easy answers. I am no expert and I don’t know you. I hope you work it out. I do think there would be a lot interest but that is not a reason to expose your inner pain.
thanks, Ann for your opinion. I actually thought about it this morning and how I would approach some of the periods in my life.
Do you have someone who you trust to discuss these issues with? That is what I would want in your situation.
You are fun.
Thank-you. I try to be, when I am not being deadly serious as in my previous post.
My 4 sisters and I never learned the names of any of the parts of the body from mom. Thank God for health class in high school back in the '60s, although the classes were a little short in teaching the more intricate parts and what purpose they had. Great post.
Thanks, Nancy. No one ever taught me much. I think it has gotten better over time, at least I like to think so.
Love that mom! I am a boy mom, and he learned all the accurate words for man and lady parts. Thing is, we are a bilingual family (English and German) living in a German-speaking place. The German word for vulva is— you guessed it— ‘die Vulva’, but NOBODY ever says that in German. Except my gynecologist, and I bet most of her patients don’t know exactly what that is. It’s an uphill battle, isn’t it.
Nobody much uses the word in English either as far as I am aware. Indeed, worse, they think the word vagina covers everything. It probably should have been called The Vulva Monologues, although I never saw the play). My husband and I just got into a discussion about what the word ‘cunt’ actually covers. Any idea?
C U Next Tuesday?? Lol
Oh dear, I am slow! I didn't realise you were simply answering my question, because I forgot I asked it! I have an inquiring mind, but am very forgetful. BUT you didn't answer my real question. No one did!
Ok, you got me! Do we know each other??
Haha! Not yet!
Are we expecting to meet?
In my family, there was shame and ridicule regarding the female body - probably because my parents were uncomfortable. I am hopeful for those two giggling girls. They have words - real words - and words have power.
Yes, you’re right there. It was really the stimulus for this piece that that mother was right. The radio programme must have gone on to discuss this but I don’t remember. The giggling girls in the bath were a brilliant coup. I sent this piece to the BBC to try to get it to the makers of the programme but never heard from them.
I was given no words to talk about any part of my body, other than major appendages. It made for a slow and difficult puberty.
How sad, Olive. Even front bottom and back bottom is better than nothing.
I’m sad to say I noticed I was shocked when I read the word ‘vulva’. It still takes time for me to adjust to the healthy use of these sorts of words, that were so taboo and so filled with shame when I was growing up. That applied to any that were to do with sex, for both male and female bits. I used to want to curl away into a corner and disappear.
Fortunately a lot of healing has taken place since then, but clearly there is room for more! (And I loved the story of the mum and her daughters in the bath. So loving). Thanks for all of this, Ann.
I thought I was very brave, Jane, when I first posted this, but now looking back, it doesn't seem brave at all. Just fun – and serious at the same time. But when I hear from people like you, perhaps it is brave. It's odd in your case, as you were so comfortable discussing death
I know, weird isn’t it!
Cool photo, and such an important post. Check out the book Girl Boner, and/or the podcast of the same name by August McLaughlin. Great stuff!
Thanks, Jennifer, don't know those. Yes, I was partly being funny but also completely serious.
I gave a copy to my nieces. I think most women need one. Most humans would fail a basic quiz on our body parts.
Hi Ann,
I am one of those newer subscribers, so I appreciate the reshare.
This reminds me of when I was in sixth grade and all the girls were sent to the auditorium to watch a video about menstruation. When we came out, I don't think any of us felt all that enlightened. And the craziest thing was we were instructed to just tell the boys the video was about babysitting. Even back then, I remember that seemed ludicrous. I wrote about it in my memoir as it's something I've never forgotten.
Thank you for sharing this and using the word(s)!
That's funny. I never had such a video, but I am such an honest person, I would have told any boy who asked the truth.
I first learned a very unclear explanation of sex from an 8 year old friend who, when I garbled the word 'administration" (heaven only knows why I was using it) thought I was talking about menstruation, which led her to explain what happened to make babies. She took me into her large closet with the door closed and her hand cupped to my ear. I remember it all very clearly. It all sounded so ridiculous!
Ah, yes, those memories that stay with us.
Another side note - I actually did get my period in 6th grade and there weren't even any sanitary products available in the girls bathroom. Nuts.
Wonderful pic. Great article. That mama giving the girls a bath could have informed her daughters that the vagina is a self cleaning organ. 😉
A long time ago, CK, they developed some product to spray 'down there' and my understanding was it was quite successful because women are so worried about their smells. I've always been minimalist in what I do and never bought it, but I seem to remember it was eventually stopped because it did more harm than good.
And douche is pointless too.
Yes, the vagina is self cleaning, but not, of course, the mons pubis and adjoining areas for which soap and water is fine!
Hehe. Of course.
Well done, Ann. You're right that there should be no shame.
Back in the 70s when I was in my teens there were two books I found invaluable in my education about my own body. One was “Our Bodies, Ourselves” the other was called something like “Woman’s Body: An Owner’s Manual” (that might not be exactly correct). Both should be required reading for any teen girl growing into her body.
The 1950s (when I was a teenager) lacked all this. I was telling someone the other day, my mother bought me a book about how to manage as a teenager, which was perfectly sensible in principle, but the one thing I remember from it is that it gave lots of advice on how to fend off eager boys wanting sex (and everything leading up to it) but left me wondering what to do when I didn't want to fend them off! I had to work that out for myself.
Some posts are worth rereading. This is one, witty and pointed. I love the vanished Banksy.
Thanks, Rona. I admire your consistent commenting on (and restacking of) posts of other writers. Indeed, I took the liberty of restacking your comment! I always have good intentions to do so, too, but am not so reliable.
So glad to read this today—and see the Banksy. We definitely need more open dialogue about female anatomy and sexuality. Thank you, Ann.
I agree. And I figure that, now in my 80s, I have the don’t-give-a-damn attitude to do it. Not sure I would have been willing 20 or even 10 years ago.
I’m turning 80 on July 28 (I always say I was born between VE Day and VJ Day in London, England). And still enjoying intimate gentleman caller.
Mine is called a husband (of 62 years four days from now), but. yes, yes, yes. You might like my post https://arichardson.substack.com/p/when-do-people-stop-having-sex or even https://arichardson.substack.com/p/raunch, which touches on the same issue.
So glad someone is talking about it. I posted in an earlier Substack that I believed in sex until death. And someone commented that Maggie Kuhn (founder of the Grey Panthers) said something similar.