I am so grateful for substack even if I never achieve any success as a writer..I am so inspired and supported in my beliefs of open discussions on this..thank you!
Of course, your years of experience are 'of some use'! They are invaluable. I think we tend to forget or underestimate how much we understand about people, just due to living a long time. And helping motherless people is a wonderful thing to do. It sounds like you already have a big family if you've hit the great-grandchildren stage. Go for it.
Ann, I’m so sorry that your choir had to witness something like this and suffer this loss. I’m delighted to hear he had another week with his family though. Sending hugs to all.
Thanks so much. With a couple of years working with AIDS patients (including one very close friend who died) and four years volunteering in a hospice, it's still a shock when it's that close! It happened to be a man I didn't know very well, but I think we were all affected nonetheless. Still at 81, I have to expect these things.
This reminds me of my lovely grandfather, who is 97 and has seen his wife and most (all?) of his friends die along the way. He got to meet grandchildren that were only born in recent years. It's a cruel blessing (or vice versa).
This article brings to mind those of us who live alone. It reminds me to count your friends as family by choice. To build a community... be it one or 21... and take comfort from their support.
A friend and I were planning our funerals via email. We especially concentrated on the music. This somehow made it all seem less grim and even joyful. Now she’s gone. I have no one to replace her. My funeral plan is not finished. I so miss her.
Yes, I do think about the music. I don't think anybody ever replaces anybody else. We just acquire new people with whom we find a new relationship. It gets harder for sure, but it's never too late.
I have lost so many friends in the last few years that I now have none older and have made a point of reaching out to younger ones, even younger than my own children! The upside of being ancient is that age is no barrier to friendship.
Yes, I learned that from my father who made friends with people from all generations. A very important thing to learn. But I am sorry to hear of your multiple losses.
Thank you. Yes, it has been hard losing 13 friends, which leaves so few from the ‘old days’. I try to compensate by ‘adopting’ those without mothers; this fills a longing I have always had for a big family and seems to help these motherless. Luckily, we also have made firm friendships and my years of experience seem to be of some use. They add enormously to my life and keep me up to date.
Getting an extra week is good. Last night a youtube lecture with David Brooks turned as if by magic. My dad read all his books. He would have loved the lecture. David got to a part where a dying man, though unable to speak, was able to listen with teary eyes to all his loved ones tell him everything they needed to say. My father was saddened that he had pushed loved ones away. There were three of us around him when he died. I'm haunted by how my folk's died. They deserved so much better.
I am not an expert but I do know a hell of a lot of people don't have the sort of death they would have wanted. Too often in hospital, surrounded by tubes, rather than friends. I volunteered in a hospice for four years and deaths were handled very well there (I wrote a book about it). Most people deserve better than they get.
Death is such a normal part of life, yet still so incredibly shocking when we encounter it up close like this. Always a good reminder to take nothing for granted and appreciate what we have. Thanks for the reminder ❤️
I am so grateful for substack even if I never achieve any success as a writer..I am so inspired and supported in my beliefs of open discussions on this..thank you!
Of course, your years of experience are 'of some use'! They are invaluable. I think we tend to forget or underestimate how much we understand about people, just due to living a long time. And helping motherless people is a wonderful thing to do. It sounds like you already have a big family if you've hit the great-grandchildren stage. Go for it.
Ann, I’m so sorry that your choir had to witness something like this and suffer this loss. I’m delighted to hear he had another week with his family though. Sending hugs to all.
Thanks so much. With a couple of years working with AIDS patients (including one very close friend who died) and four years volunteering in a hospice, it's still a shock when it's that close! It happened to be a man I didn't know very well, but I think we were all affected nonetheless. Still at 81, I have to expect these things.
This reminds me of my lovely grandfather, who is 97 and has seen his wife and most (all?) of his friends die along the way. He got to meet grandchildren that were only born in recent years. It's a cruel blessing (or vice versa).
This article brings to mind those of us who live alone. It reminds me to count your friends as family by choice. To build a community... be it one or 21... and take comfort from their support.
Yes, I agree. Even people with family need friends with whom they have different relationships.
A friend and I were planning our funerals via email. We especially concentrated on the music. This somehow made it all seem less grim and even joyful. Now she’s gone. I have no one to replace her. My funeral plan is not finished. I so miss her.
Yes, I do think about the music. I don't think anybody ever replaces anybody else. We just acquire new people with whom we find a new relationship. It gets harder for sure, but it's never too late.
I have lost so many friends in the last few years that I now have none older and have made a point of reaching out to younger ones, even younger than my own children! The upside of being ancient is that age is no barrier to friendship.
Yes, I learned that from my father who made friends with people from all generations. A very important thing to learn. But I am sorry to hear of your multiple losses.
Thank you. Yes, it has been hard losing 13 friends, which leaves so few from the ‘old days’. I try to compensate by ‘adopting’ those without mothers; this fills a longing I have always had for a big family and seems to help these motherless. Luckily, we also have made firm friendships and my years of experience seem to be of some use. They add enormously to my life and keep me up to date.
Getting an extra week is good. Last night a youtube lecture with David Brooks turned as if by magic. My dad read all his books. He would have loved the lecture. David got to a part where a dying man, though unable to speak, was able to listen with teary eyes to all his loved ones tell him everything they needed to say. My father was saddened that he had pushed loved ones away. There were three of us around him when he died. I'm haunted by how my folk's died. They deserved so much better.
I am not an expert but I do know a hell of a lot of people don't have the sort of death they would have wanted. Too often in hospital, surrounded by tubes, rather than friends. I volunteered in a hospice for four years and deaths were handled very well there (I wrote a book about it). Most people deserve better than they get.
Death is such a normal part of life, yet still so incredibly shocking when we encounter it up close like this. Always a good reminder to take nothing for granted and appreciate what we have. Thanks for the reminder ❤️
Yes, we do take our lives carrying on for granted. This was very shocking, although I didn't know the man well at all.