I worked in a Nursing home passing medications for 20 years and witnessed many deaths and it's fascinating. I have seen many touching moments and some that were cold and void. But death I come to realize is not the worst thing to happen and lingering and suffering is devastating and soul crushing. I feel that being beside the dying is as important and needed as when a new life is born. I feel satisfied knowing that although I could not save them or heal them I can make that last part of their journey less lonely and more peaceful and it's a blessing to do that and I miss it.
My grandfather kept himself alive well past the doctors wildest dreams because he would not die before seeing his son. He literally died immediately after holding his son's hand and uttering ' I love you don't.
Dr Peter Gariaev's work on the ' wave genome' sent me down this path-
So much of what you write here rings true for me. My mother, who had advanced Parkinson's (and, as we later discovered, Lewy Body dementia and Alzheimer's) broke her hip at the end of January 2018, three weeks before her 90th birthday. My husband and kids and I were flying from our home in western Canada to Milwaukee for her birthday. My sister was certain that Mom was going to die the day she broke her hip, but after a few days the hospice nurse said I didn't need to fly down there, it was apparent she wasn't going to die right away. My family and I flew to Milwaukee a couple of days before her birthday, which was on a Sunday. We flew home that Tuesday. Mom died the following Sunday, exactly a week after her 90th. I really believe she was hanging on for our visit. My mother-in-law went into hospice earlier this year, the last day of January. She had advanced Alzheimer's. My husband and I visited her pretty much every day, but my father-in-law was very reluctant. She'd been there for a week before he went for a visit. It was a Tuesday. The following Monday some cousins went to visit and sang her show tunes one afternoon. My husband and I went at night with a friend who brought his banjo, and I had my guitar and another friend was massaging moisturizer into my mother-in-law's very crepey skin. The next afternoon, shortly before 5, the hospice nurse called to say my MIL was dying. It took a half hour to reach my husband, get to the hospice, get the stupid parking meter to work, and get upstairs to her room. She died three minutes before we arrived. Her father had done the same thing 14 years earlier: she and my FIL had gone to see him at the hospital. He'd fallen and had hit his head, so he wasn't conscious, but they visited him and then went down to the cafeteria and by the time they returned to the room, he'd died. My mother, on the other hand, did not want to be alone when she died; she'd told my sister as much, and my sister was with her. So interesting....
I worked in a Nursing home passing medications for 20 years and witnessed many deaths and it's fascinating. I have seen many touching moments and some that were cold and void. But death I come to realize is not the worst thing to happen and lingering and suffering is devastating and soul crushing. I feel that being beside the dying is as important and needed as when a new life is born. I feel satisfied knowing that although I could not save them or heal them I can make that last part of their journey less lonely and more peaceful and it's a blessing to do that and I miss it.
Ann, my husband Sam Harrington (retired physician) especially liked this post. For anyone reading. don’t miss this Q&A with Ann! https://debbieweil.substack.com/p/on-savoring-old-age-writing-and-sex
Captivating piece, thank you!
Great read. Thankyou.
My grandfather kept himself alive well past the doctors wildest dreams because he would not die before seeing his son. He literally died immediately after holding his son's hand and uttering ' I love you don't.
Dr Peter Gariaev's work on the ' wave genome' sent me down this path-
https://justindaws.substack.com/p/belief-belies-belief
So much of what you write here rings true for me. My mother, who had advanced Parkinson's (and, as we later discovered, Lewy Body dementia and Alzheimer's) broke her hip at the end of January 2018, three weeks before her 90th birthday. My husband and kids and I were flying from our home in western Canada to Milwaukee for her birthday. My sister was certain that Mom was going to die the day she broke her hip, but after a few days the hospice nurse said I didn't need to fly down there, it was apparent she wasn't going to die right away. My family and I flew to Milwaukee a couple of days before her birthday, which was on a Sunday. We flew home that Tuesday. Mom died the following Sunday, exactly a week after her 90th. I really believe she was hanging on for our visit. My mother-in-law went into hospice earlier this year, the last day of January. She had advanced Alzheimer's. My husband and I visited her pretty much every day, but my father-in-law was very reluctant. She'd been there for a week before he went for a visit. It was a Tuesday. The following Monday some cousins went to visit and sang her show tunes one afternoon. My husband and I went at night with a friend who brought his banjo, and I had my guitar and another friend was massaging moisturizer into my mother-in-law's very crepey skin. The next afternoon, shortly before 5, the hospice nurse called to say my MIL was dying. It took a half hour to reach my husband, get to the hospice, get the stupid parking meter to work, and get upstairs to her room. She died three minutes before we arrived. Her father had done the same thing 14 years earlier: she and my FIL had gone to see him at the hospital. He'd fallen and had hit his head, so he wasn't conscious, but they visited him and then went down to the cafeteria and by the time they returned to the room, he'd died. My mother, on the other hand, did not want to be alone when she died; she'd told my sister as much, and my sister was with her. So interesting....